About Me

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Bill Squire is a Comedian. He knew he wanted to be a comedian when at age 6 he fell out of a plastic swimming pool and broke his arm. It got a huge laugh. Since then Bill has experienced many more injuries both physical and emotional that have made him the comedian he is today.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I was once a slave and a slave owner.

When the topic of slavery comes up most people think of the Southern States using Africans as slaves. Some people might think of the Jews in Egypt. Through out all history there have been slaves and there will always be slaves. I say this as a former slave and a former slave owner. If you have an older brother or a younger brother then you know exactly what I am talking about. 

From the time I had the ability to understand spoken language I was a slave. I had two older brothers that would use me for their own personal slave. They needed the channel changed I was changing. I was the remote til I was about 8 and we got a cable box at which point I was used only for powering on the tv. If they needed a drink or a snack or a scapegoat I was their go to guy. I didn't even mind until I was old enough to realize that they weren't doing this because they liked me but because they were lazy. 

This went on until I was about 10 years old. Now I had a younger sister that I would have loved to use a slave but convincing her to do anything was harder than actually doing it. She had her own powers and those powers were an earsplitting scream and temper tantrums that could last months.  However I did have a younger brother who was getting to the point were he not only could understand what we told him, he felt he needed to be accepted. If it wasn't for that need to be liked and accepted by his older brothers then Steve or Dweeb as we called him probably would have never been so willing to fetch and clean and sacrifice just so his older brother wouldn't punch him in the arm. I was seven years older than Steve and despite my years of being threatened and beaten by my own brothers I never once thought that Steve didn't deserved to be given titty twisters if he wouldn't bring me Doritos.  Having a slave was glorious. Poor Steve though. He was the baby. The youngest child of five and he never had a little servant to threaten violence upon if his orders weren't followed. Where are his reparations?


Monday, June 2, 2008

I am a fan of...

Sex and the City. There I said it. I like the show. My girl got me into it. I went in thinking this is gonna suck but it didn't. I saw the movie and it was good. I am shocked that on rottentomatoes.com Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has a better rating. I will admit there are some very cringy moments on the show but there are some genuinely funny ones. Like one of my favorites. Miranda is dating a jogger that keeps trying to get  her to toss his salad, and she freaks out and yells "I'm not doing that!" It made me laugh hard. 

The movie had some good moments as well. One of the most enjoyable part is that the characters are real and flawed. SPOILER ALERT: The best part of the movie is that Carrie and Big get married in a courthouse. Thus nailing the coffin shut on the big stupid wedding. Now women will see it is all about making a commitment not a dress and flowers. That stuff doesn't matter. 

Hopefully the next movie will concentrate on how important giving terrific head is.